January 08, 1999 at 05:00 AM EST

”A woman is suing McDonald’s claiming that she found a condom in her chicken sandwich. A spokesman for McDonald’s said, ‘That’s just our newsandwich: the McRibbed.”’
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”Cigarette maker R.J. Reynolds announced they will lay off an additional 1,000 workers. They had some of the laid-off workers on TV tonight, and they were pretty choked up. Which is what happens when you only have one lung.”
Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”A new study listed the cities with the most cases of syphilis and gonorrhea…. New York wasn’t even in the top 20. New York’s murder rate is down. Times Square is family-friendly. New York has become your crazy drinking buddy who got married and had kids.”
Colin Quinn on SNL

”Although it’s clear these [were] U.N.-sponsored retaliatory strikes, conspiracy theorists have already begun asking why the U.S. only seems to bomb when CNN is around.”
Craig Kilborn on The Daily Show

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