Entertainment Weekly

Subscribe

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

The Public Eye

The week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from May 22 – 29

Posted on

”Whenever I get depressed, I raise my hemlines. If things don’t change, I’m bound to be arrested.”
NOTORIOUSLY SHORT-SKIRTED ALLY (CALISTA FLOCKHART) on Ally McBeal

”I’m afraid your God-given ability to relieve yourself while standing up has rendered you ineligible.”
DAWSON (JAMES VAN DER BEEK), explaining to Pacey (Joshua Jackson) why he can’t enter a beauty pageant, on Dawson’s Creek

”You really made the most out of being single…. You make Bill Clinton look like an Eagle Scout.”
DAVID LETTERMAN to Warren Beatty on Late Show

”The post office says they’re raising the price of stamps by 1 cent because they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they’re going from semi-automatics to uzis.”
CONAN O’BRIEN on Late Night