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Sound Bites: The week's best TV Quotes

TV’s funniest lines from May 1 to 8

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”Experts tell me the Windows 98 system goes down so often that they’re thinking of renaming it the Monica 98.”
DAVID LETTERMAN on Late Night

”She’s a sentence finisher. It’s like dating Mad Libs.”
JERRY (JERRY SEINFELD), kvetching about his new girlfriend (Julia Campbell), on Seinfeld

”Till death do us part, Marie. After that, you’re on your own.”
FRANK (PETER BOYLE), explaining to his wife why he sold half their burial plot, on Everybody Loves Raymond

”The only thing you two have in common is the faint impression of the word Sealy on your backsides.”
NILES (DAVID HYDE PIERCE), teasing his brother, Frasier (Kelsey Grammer), about his fling with a bohemian