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Glossary: Cosmo Kramer

All you need to know to understand ”Seinfeld”s hipster doofus

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‘AMAZING BEAR ATTACKS’ One of two books he claims to have authored (the other being Astonishing Tales of the Sea) 136

ASIAN WOMEN He digs ’em. 86

BAGEL TECHNICIAN Occupation on his business card 158

‘THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL’ Steamy soap he prefers to watch at Jerry’s 3, 48

THE BOTTOM His favorite position during sex: ”Let them do all the work.” 61

BRIEFS His preferred undergarment (”I need the secure packaging of Jockeys. My boys need a house.”); he switches briefly to boxers after a sperm count scare because ”I’m the last male Kramer. We’re facing extinction!” 86

BUCHMAN, PAUL In an episode of Mad About You, we learn Kramer sublets 5B from the former Jerry neighbor.

CAFFE LATTE He’s been sucking ’em down since fifth grade; ultimately they become the basis for a lawsuit. 106, 107

‘CANADIAN PARLIAMENT’ C-Span show he tapes every week 152

CHEVY IMPALA His car — at least in episode 106

COLT 45 Malt liquor favored by his boozer of a mom 26

CUBANS A devoted smoker of the contraband stogies, his habit leads to the destruction of the Ross’ treasured cabin; the trade of a favorite jacket with a Cuban diplomat; the establishment of a smoker’s club in his apartment; and Jerry’s mistakenly importing a houseful of ’em — the human variety. 45, 46, 135, 143

DEL BOCA VISTA PHASE THREE The Seinfelds’ Florida retirement community, where he runs for condo board president; Jerry says his father wants to install Kramer in ”a puppet regime, then wield power from behind the scenes — preferably the sauna in the clubhouse” 163

DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM Time-honored library cataloging system he blithely dismisses as ”a scam” 22

DIMAGGIO, JOE Famed Yankee he spotted ”dunking” at Dinky Donuts 18

DREADED APPARATUS Euphemism for an enema; solution to being ”backed up” 61

FRUIT The healthiest part of his regimen (cantaloupes, apples, and mangoes are among his faves); his world nearly collapses when he’s banned from Joe’s fruit stand 62

GAMBLING A costly addiction he tries to avoid 102

GIDDY-UP His oft-used, all-purpose affirmative

GOLF This man of leisure’s favorite sport leads to the near death of a whale. 75

GONORRHEA The disease he gets typecast playing for Mount Sinai med students 164

HART, MARY Entertainment Tonight host whose voice provokes violent convulsions 36

HENNIGANS He calls it the ”no-smell, no-tell Scotch,” safe for imbibing at the workplace (like he knows anything about that). 29

HOME BASE His toilet 61

HOME PACKAGE DELIVERY He believes it should be outlawed (burglars pose as FedEx employees). 43

HOOCHIE MAMA! All right!

ISOSCELES What he’d name his child, if he had one 60

KAVORKA According to a Latvian priest, the lure of the animal with which this ladies’ man is cursed 72

KESSLER The name mistakenly used by Jerry when they first met in 1986 156