1 Final Seinfeld Plots
Here’s the real one — Kramer buys a computer and spreads idiotic rumors over the Internet.
2 Tara Lipinsky
Sportswriters are upset the 15-year-old skater has turned pro. That is a little young for hockey.
3 Larry Flint
The publisher is in trouble for selling smut to a minor. It was a mistake — he thought he was selling guns.
4 Sour Grapes
A film of hate and discontent from Larry David, the cocreator of Seinfeld. For David, that’s a feel-good movie.
5 CBS News’ 50th Anniversary
If you didn’t know, you’d think they were 70.
6 Dallas Reunion
Bobby tries to stop J.R.’s scheme to take over their nursing home and cut the Jell-O portions.
A talking parrot who lives to cause trouble. Hard to believe he doesn’t have his own talk-radio show.
8 The Object of My Affection
A straight woman loves a gay man. After a few years of marriage, how can you tell?
9 Carry-on Luggage
The airlines are going to strictly enforce the two-pieces-per-passenger rule. They need space for their latest innovation — standing room.
10 ”Louie Louie”
The Kingsmen sued for the rights to their perennial frat-rock hit. But the judge sang the opinion, and no one knows exactly what it says.
11 Country Music Awards
Any special that guarantees a Celine Dion-Puff Daddy-free evening can’t be all bad.
12 Yankee Stadium
The team is putting the best spin on its crumbling stadium. Fans will get to keep each 500-pound beam they catch.
13 Wild Man Blues
A documentary about Woody Allen’s jazz band touring Europe. It shows a surprising lack of groupies, but then all his gigs were on school nights.
14 Bank Mergers
It’s all about customer service. We can lose your money twice as fast and be twice as rude about it.
The tiny network is expanding programming from three to five nights a week. Surprising to all of us who thought we weren’t watching it seven nights a week.