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Sound Bites

The funniest TV lines from the week of March 13, 1998

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”When we were courting, I sent Maris a valentine that said, ‘You’re the girl my heart adores. Everything I have is yours.’ Now they’re calling it a prenup.” — Niles (David Hyde Pierce), discussing his divorce proceedings, on Frasier

”I just saw Tara [Lipinski]. They were putting her into her car seat.” — Ray Romano, appearing after the 15-year-old gold medalist, on Late Show With David Letterman

”On tonight’s…Diagnosis Murder, Regis Philbin shoots Kathie Lee Gifford…. For this episode, they’re changing the show’s title to Diagnosis Justifiable Homicide.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”Illness prevented Barbra Streisand from performing a duet with Celine Dion at the Grammy Awards this week. At the last minute, Streisand developed a violent allergic reaction to sharing the spotlight.” — Colin Quinn on SNL