Reasonable Presumption No. 1: Seinfeld is the TV phenomenon of our generation. The World Wide Web has become our culture’s ground-zero arena for appreciation. Ergo, there should be countless homemade Seinfeld sites out there. And there are.
Reasonable Presumption No. 2: Seinfeld will air its last original show May 14. Modern TV cults tend to be extremely vocal about the impending doom of their beloved objects (cf., Party of Five). Therefore, all those Seinfeld sites should be festooned with the equivalent of black crepe.
But they’re not.
Maybe it’s denial. Or maybe something else is going on here. Perhaps Jerry Seinfeld is one hell of a smart guy and has already sensed that the crosshairs of this distractible zeitgeist have moved on to other passions. Maybe he knows that Kessy’s Awesome Seinfeld Page (expert.cc.purdue.edu/~kessy/) is now Kessy’s pretty boring tornado-photography page and what was once Flamestrike’s Seinfeld Page (www.geocities.com/ TelevisionCity/7040/) has fickly become a shrine to wrestling manager Tamara Fytch. Or that Matan’s Homepage (www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/1470/seinfeld.htm) — the one that says ”I want to use my web space in order to thank god [sic] for letting me live when Seinfeld was created” — hasn’t been updated in six months.
Another explanation may be that Seinfeld has been so massively popular for so long that a generation of Web neophytes have practiced their chops by crafting simplistic I-love-Kramer sites and then letting them moulder in digital graveyards. Geocities, the Internet provider that lets users build Web ”homesteads,” has so many deeply lame Seinfeld sites that, if it weren’t for the fact that it’d get sued in a New York minute, I’d swear the company was handing out the show’s graphics, photos, and a horrifying MIDI version of the bass-popping theme at its virtual door. (There’s one goodie, though: The Assman’s Lair, at http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/2243, automatically downloads Michael Richards bellowing ”I’m Cosmo Kramer, the ASSMAN!” at environmental-harassment volumes.)
Curiously, there’s little mourning even at the obsessively updated Seinfeld sites. The Seinfeld Index Page (seinfeld.sogaard.com) has it all — video clips, sound files, scripts — except any mention that this little world is coming to an end. Even Kenny Kramer’s Home Page (www.bway.net/~kramer) avoids acknowledging that the ”real” Kramer is going to have to find a ”real” job ”real” soon.
Not everyone has their head in the sand, though. The End of Seinfeld is about the only fan page that covers updates, rumors, and news about The End (www.seinfeldiest.com/temps/end.html). The online ‘zine White Trash Cafe has a funny mad-lib ”Last Episode Generator” at http://www.whitetrashcafe.com/seinfeld. But the best is probably the recently posted Death of Seinfeld (members.aol.com/BbyBp/): a full 34-page script for the final episode, written by a fan, that has Jerry envisioning his next show (it involves a talk-radio psychiatrist with a crusty policeman dad), features guest appearances by everyone from Babu to Mulva, and ends in an inspired Godfather Part III parody. Yes, the actual final show will doubtless be funnier. But after so many vaporous sites, it’s nice to find one that’s about Something.