1 U.S. MARSHALS A desperate, hunted man tries to prove his innocence in this spin-off of The Fugitive. He blames his predicament on a two-armed intern.
2 SOY BOMB That guy who came up on stage and danced with Bob Dylan at the Grammys. Or else a common nickname for fried dumplings.
3 THE BIG LEBOWSKI A bowling/kidnapping/mistaken-identity film. The best of this genre.
4 PAMELA LEE She’s divorcing Tommy Lee. It’s very acrimonious — she’s asking for custody of his tattoos.
5 TWILIGHT Paul Newman gets mixed up with some of the most deceitful people in California. Weathermen.
6 MATH SKILLS Tests show U.S. students lag behind those in 18 other countries. But we have better television shows.
7 HUSH Gwyneth Paltrow plays a woman who thinks her mother-in-law is a nut. Just because she’s a Brad Pitt fan?
8 JIMMY RAY The Elvis-esque pop star has a top 20 hit. Next he’ll build a house in Memphis, get fat, and shoot a TV.
9 LEONARDO DiCAPRIO The Titanic star was mobbed by screaming teens at a recent premiere. Many people thought the building was sinking.
10 MISS USA PAGEANT They’ve narrowed it down to the last 51 women in America whose hair cannot move.
11 EXERCISE EQUIPMENT Americans spent over a billion dollars on it last year. Not counting what they paid to keep it in storage.
12 MARCH MADNESS When colleges across the country fight it out for the coveted title of ”Best NBA Farm Team.”
13 PRINCE WILLIAM He reportedly says he doesn’t want to be king. He wants to live exactly like a commoner. Like Bill Gates or Richard Branson?
14 JON BON JOVI He plays an American in the British film The Leading Man. His accent needs work, though.
15 MOVING BUILDINGS In New York City they moved an old theater over a hundred feet down the block. It was in a ”No Buildings Between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.” zone.