1 Sharon Stone She married a newspaper editor. Can a marriage last when both people are in entertainment?
2 Paparazzi California lawmakers want something to keep pesky photographers from bothering movie stars. They’re called “curtains.”
3 Tara Lipinski Let’s just hope she never marries Jonathan Lipnicki.
4 Wheaties The U.S. women’s hockey team will appear on the new box. The men’s team has agreed to be on a bottle of vinegar.
5 The Nanny Her boss finally proposes to her. It’ll make a big change in her life. She’ll no longer get paid.
6 Anthrax It’s scary how easy it is to get dangerous biological weapons. You can buy botulism almost every day at the deli across the street.
7 Sound Bites It’s a lollipop that plays music or talks to you “inside” your head. It comes in Postal Worker and Son of Sam flavors.
8 The Real Blonde A completely shallow man has a fetish for completely shallow women. I see enough of that at home.
9 Two Fat Ladies The most popular cooking show in Britain. It replaced the low-rated Cooking With Kate Moss.
10 Krippendorf’s Tribe An anthropologist’s family doubles as his tribal study. Until his kids find out “B.C.” doesn’t mean “Before Cable.”
11 Two Girls and a Guy The NC-17 rated film has finally been trimmed enough for an R. It’s now called Two Girls.
12 Sir Elton John The Queen knighted him for all the good things he’s done for Britain. If it hadn’t been for “I’m Still Standing,” he could have been a lord.
13 Oasis The band reportedly acted like immature soccer fans on a flight to Australia. Someone told them, “Be yourself.”
14 Cosmic bowling Black-light pins are a big hit with teens. Plus the bowling shoes match their hair.
15 Pale Rider A new beer endorsed by Clint Eastwood. I know what you’re thinking, punk — did he drink five or six?