Thanksgiving is a day to push everything to extremes. We don’t just eat, we gorge. So why watch a single TV show when you can park in front of the tube for hours on end? Fortunately, the cable networks are pitching in by screening all-day movie and TV rerun marathons. Here’s our guide to a variety of Thanksgiving’s choices. Find what you like, then zone out for hours without facing the unwanted exertion of changing channels.
BRAVO, “Early Hitchcock,” 11 a.m.-7 p.m. These classic films include “Lifeboat” and “Notorious.” Just enough suspense to start you wondering if some suspicious-looking relative slipped poison into your pumpkin pie.
COMEDY CENTRAL, “Saturday Night Live,” 11am-8pm. The church lady says “Isn’t that special?” Hans and Franz yell, “Pump you up!” It’s just like Thanksgiving — you see the same characters every year, and they’re still saying the same things.
FAMILY CHANNEL, “Bugs Bunny Festival,” 12-4:30 p.m. Three critter ‘toon movies co-starring Bugs, Daffy Duck and Porky Pig. The ideal entertainment for a holiday when being with Mom and Dad turns you back into a 9-year-old again.
AMERICAN MOVIE CLASSICS, “Bob Hope’s Films,” 6 a.m.-6:15 a.m. (Friday). 15 Hope classics, including six “Road” pictures. And if that’s not enough to keep you up all night, then wait till next year when they show his “Stay At Home” pictures.
PLAYBOY CHANNEL, “Michael Zen’s Stardust,” 7 a.m.-7 a.m (Friday). Twenty-four hours of soft-core porn, and, happily, none of it involves Pilgrims.
NICKELODEON, “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters,” (6 a.m.-2 p.m.) and “Rocko’s Modern Life,” 2-8:30 p.m. These Nicktoons will keep the kids busy so adults can pick at the leftovers in peace.
SCI-FI CHANNEL, “Mystery Science Theater 3000,” 7:30 a.m.-6 p.m. Watch all ten-and-a-half hours, and you’ll start seeing those robot heads in the lower-right corner of your eyeballs.
THE HISTORY CHANNEL, “Automobiles,” 9 a.m.-8 p.m. A parade of documentaries about the classic cars of our time, including “Ferrari,” “Corvette” and “Buick.” Best bet for the post-meal snooze.
LIFETIME, “Danielle Steel Festival,” 2 p.m.-12 a.m. Three Steel TV movies, culminating with the five-hour “Jewels.” A nation of B-list actors today give thanks to the best-selling author’s TV flicks, which filled the employment void when “The Love Boat” was cancelled.