1 George Clooney He told PEOPLE he wasn’t interested in being the Sexiest Man Alive. Still, he should have waited till they asked.
2 Anne and Ellen The two stars want to have a baby together. They’ve both been taking fertility drugs but so far, nothing.
3 Tim Allen He’ll get $1.25 million an episode next season. Now he’ll be able to afford government tools.
4 Rocket Man A comedy set in outer space. Not as funny as the Mir, but it didn’t cost as much.
5 Seven Years in Tibet Brad Pitt teaches the Dalai Lama things he’ll need to know in the outside world. Like how to pick up chicks.
6 Gang Related The late rapper Tupac Shakur’s last movie. Unless they plan a Weekend at Tupac’s.
7 Clinton’s new hearing aid He gets 60 grand a year and his own office.
8 Boogie Nights Mark Wahlberg plays a 1970s porn star trying to become a legit performer. But he never knows what to do with his hands.
9 Smart cards Banks are testing the plastic chip that will replace pocket change. Accepted by panhandlers everywhere.
10 Babe in Metropolis It’s official: In the sequel, the talking pig will come to the big city. It’s the Rush Limbaugh story.
11 Second Act More memoirs from Joan Collins. In which she brings us up to the silent-film era.
12 Andy Dick The NewsRadio comic shares an apartment with his ex-wife and his former girlfriend. His home videos may be a mid-season replacement.
13 Players Ex-cons Ice-T and Costas Mandylor now work for the police. They need the work until they can become building contractors.
14 Washington Square A Victorian dad thinks his daughter’s beau is a fortune hunter. Wow — hustle and bustle.
15 The baseball playoffs Winners move on to the World Series. While the losers have to play golf and sign autographs for cash.