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Jim Mullen's Hot Sheet

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1 U-TURN Sean Penn gets caught in a town where everything is either twisted, backward, or immoral. Filmed on location in Hollywood.

2 LAND-SPEED RECORD A British team got a car to go 714 mph. Sure, no traffic.

3 ER LIVE Oh, the old ”We’re making a documentary” trick. Next week’s gimmick: The documentary was all a dream.

4 WORKING A comedy about working for a big, impersonal, soulless company. Like a television network, for example.

5 JOHN LENNON The FBI followed him for years. They never did find out who the walrus was.

6 CAROLOGY Some psychologists think a car’s color says a lot about its owner. For example, a red Ferrari means you are rich.

7 STRIP CLUBS Where men hold ”business meetings,” exclude women, and then get a tax deduction. It’s affirmative action for sexual harassers.

8 THE IRS There’s only one way it could keep making such huge mistakes — it’s run by a hospital administrator.

9 HOOTERS This week men won the right to be waiters there. But the first hires hurt themselves putting on the shorts.

10 TELETUBBIES A British show for the pre-Sesame Street set is coming to PBS. It’s never too early to teach kids how to watch TV.

11 LEANN RIMES Her parents are getting a divorce. Or is that the title of her next country hit?

12 SAINT-JOHN’S-WORT Extract of this plant is making news as a natural antidepressant. Sure you’re depressed, your doctor won’t give you Prozac.

13 WHOOPI GOLDBERG Her autobiography is titled Book. Whatever you do, don’t let her name the baby.

14 THE MATCHMAKER The locals think Janeane Garofalo has come to Ireland to find a husband. When she’s really there to work on her tan.

15 KISS THE GIRLS A detective tries to find a psycho kidnapper. Just look for someone who all the neighbors say is perfectly normal.

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