THE HATS OFF (PLEASE) AWARD: To Alicia Silverstone (1), whose over-the-top chapeau at the Batman & Robin premiere made it seem as if she were suffering from Dennis Rodman envy.
THE BOB DOLE AWARD FOR MOST INOPPORTUNE STUMBLE: To Julia Roberts (2), who, upon arriving at the Conspiracy Theory party, promptly twisted her ankle on the way from her limo to the red carpet. She made it down the walkway — with a little help from coconspirator Mel Gibson — then beat a hasty retreat.
THE VISINE AWARD: To Harrison Ford (3), who understandably could have pardoned himself from the Air Force One fete in Los Angeles, since he was on location in Hawaii. But he dutifully made the four-hour-plus journey and then caught a return flight at 4:30 the next morning.
THE MOST CONSPICUOUS ABSENTEE AWARD: To Tommy Lee Jones, who skipped the Men in Black bash. Maybe he couldn’t find his Ray-Bans. Runner-up: Charlie Sheen, MIA at the Money Talks shebang.
THE CECIL B. DEMILLE EXTRAVAGANZA AWARD: To Disney, which flew more than 500 people from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, then gave everyone $10 in chips, for the unveiling of Nicolas Cage’s Con Air (4).
THE ANIMAL HOUSE AWARD: To the folks behind the festivities for G.I. Jane, who felt it necessary to place shot glasses and bottles of bourbon at every cocktail table (5).
THE FISH-OUT-OF-WATER AWARD: To Harry Connick Jr., who was seen at the Contact premiere strutting around the elegant courtyard of Westwood’s Armand Hammer Museum while chowing down on a bulging wad of Red Man chewing tobacco. He then used a teacup as a spittoon.
THE ELVIS-MEETS-NIXON AWARD: To the bizarre meeting between grunge goddess Courtney Love and Ted Turner’s better half, Jane Fonda (6), who communed at the Batman & Robin soiree.
THE PARTY-HOPPER AWARD: To Arnold Schwarzenegger (7), who attended the opening ceremonies for Hoodlum and Excess Baggage on the same night, four months after undergoing heart surgery.
THE FAMILY-VALUES AWARD: To Will Smith, who, with his 4-year-old son, Trey (8) — dressed in matching suit and sunglasses — was the best-accessorized person at the Men in Black shin-dig.