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Parents' guide to movies

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Parents’ guide to movies

MOVIE TITLE: EXCESS BAGGAGE

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: 18-year-old Emily (Alicia Silverstone) fakes her own kidnapping to grab the attention of her unfeeling father.

WILL KIDS WANT TO WATCH IT?: No. It would take superhero powers to sit through this inane and boring story.

MPAA RATING: PG-13

SEX/NUDITY: None

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: Emily smokes and drinks copiously.

VIOLENCE/SCARINESS: Emily is locked in a car trunk.

OBJECTIONABLE WORDS/PHRASES: About 45

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT: We’re clueless on that one.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD: The uninspired acting, the trite story, the unbearably slow pace, and Emily’s aforementioned vices

APPROPRIATE AGES: 12 and up


MOVIE TITLE: G.I. JANE

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Jordan O’Neil (Demi Moore) wages her own personal battle to become the first woman Navy SEAL.

WILL KIDS WANT TO WATCH IT?: Yes. Teenage girls in particular will surely feel empowered by Jordan’s success.

MPAA RATING: R

SEX/NUDITY: Jordan’s bare backside in the shower

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: Lots of drinking

VIOLENCE/SCARINESS: The training is brutal and includes sadistic beatings; there are shootings on a battlefield in the Middle East.

OBJECTIONABLE WORDS/PHRASES: More than 100

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT: Jordan is determined to compete on men’s terms and not receive any special treatment.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD: Director Ridley Scott can’t resist that peek at Jordan in the shower.

APPROPRIATE AGES: 16 and up


MOVIE TITLE: KULL THE CONQUEROR

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: Pirate-turned-king Kull (Kevin Sorbo) discovers that his new job is a royal pain as he becomes the target of an evil witch and greedy bad guys.

WILL KIDS WANT TO WATCH IT?: No. This myth is too dark for young kids and too silly for older ones.

MPAA RATING: PG-13

SEX/NUDITY: Sorbo and costar Tia Carrere make love under covers.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: Kull has wine.

VIOLENCE/SCARINESS: Swordplay galore and lots of creepy characters, including monsters, rotting corpses, and a disfigured man with one eye

OBJECTIONABLE WORDS/PHRASES: Six

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT: The men may wear the crowns, but the women also rule.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD: Indulges big-boy fantasies of harems and scantily clad women, and little-boy ones of warriors and swords.

APPROPRIATE AGES: 12 and up


MOVIE TITLE: LEAVE IT TO BEAVER

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: That quintessential TV family graduates to the big screen as the lovable Beaver (Cameron Finley) gets the bike he’s been pining for, only to have it stolen on the first day of third grade.

WILL KIDS WANT TO WATCH IT?: Maybe, though they won’t feel that sense of nostalgia needed to enjoy it.

MPAA RATING: PG

SEX/NUDITY: None, but Wally and pals do play spin the bottle.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: None

VIOLENCE/SCARINESS: None

OBJECTIONABLE WORDS/PHRASES: One

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT: The lack of sex, drugs, and violence

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD: The lack of any real story line

APPROPRIATE AGES: 7 and up


MOVIE TITLE: PIPPI LONGSTOCKING

WHAT IT’S ABOUT: The red-braided heroine of Astrid Lindgren’s classic children’s books takes on the bumbling burglars who want to steal her dad’s gold coins.

WILL KIDS WANT TO WATCH IT?: Yes. Despite the drab plot, young kids will find the animated Pippi appealing.

MPAA RATING: G

SEX/NUDITY: None

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: None

VIOLENCE/SCARINESS: Pippi’s ship-captain father falls overboard during a storm and disappears at sea.

OBJECTIONABLE WORDS/PHRASES: None

WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT IT: The irrepressible Pippi is spunky, strong, and independent — a very cool role model for little girls.

WHAT’S NOT SO GOOD: Nonconformist Pippi deserves a less generic film.

APPROPRIATE AGES: 5 and up

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