1 THE OTHER WOMAN An ex-wife won a million dollars from one for alienation of affection. Shouldn’t her ex-husband get some of that for making it all possible?
2 DONNY AND MARIE The showbiz siblings will host their very own yak-fest. Yeah, that’s the trouble with television — not enough talk shows.
3 EXCESS BAGGAGE Alicia Silverstone stages her own kidnapping to get attention. Couldn’t she just take drugs like all the other kids?
4 EVENT HORIZON Scary doings in outer space. Don’t people in the future ever watch Alien?
5 G.I. JANE Demi Moore stars as the first female to go through Navy SEAL training. The last test was beating up a Citadel graduate.
6 THE ROLLING STONES They’re getting ready for their first U.S. appearance in three years. The 401(k) tour.
7 STEEL Shaquille O’Neal plays a comic-book crime fighter sheathed in metal. His superpower is never having to use the men’s room.
8 JFK JR. He called two of his cousins ”poster boys for bad behavior.” And they’re selling a lot of posters.
9 COP LAND Sylvester Stallone gained almost 40 pounds to play the part of a small-town sheriff. Because he thought they said ”small-town chef.”
10 CHRISTIAN SLATER He was arrested for allegedly biting someone in the stomach. Hey, keep that stuff where it belongs — in the boxing ring.
11 FLEETWOOD MAC The formerly feuding band mates are back together performing new songs. Like ”Get Off the Stage” and ”Don’t Ever Speak to Me.”
12 LEAVE IT TO BEAVER You make your will, I’ll make mine.
13 ARETHA FRANKLIN The First Lady of Soul will take classical piano lessons. The hard part is finding a pink Steinway.
14 PRINCESS DI The press has pics of her hugging the heir to Harrods. Now she gets a discount on Chuck & Di mugs.
15 UPS We’re in big trouble. There’s no way to return all the crap we ordered before the strike.