1 Garth Brooks The country star is giving a free concert in New York’s Central Park. Not to worry. Jackie Mason will be on stage to translate.
2 Spawn A superhero on a salmon run?
3 Marcia Clark The O.J. Simpson prosecutor’s book will be turned into a made-for-TV movie. It’ll be shown in 365 eight-hour parts.
4 Picture Perfect Jennifer Aniston has to invent a fiance to get a big promotion. When in the ’50s does this take place?
5 Elvis Presley His relatives have just opened a theme restaurant featuring the King’s favorite foods. Each table comes with its own defibrillator.
6 Air Bud A dog teaches a kid about friendship. And soon he’ll have him going to the bathroom on the neighbor’s lawn.
7 Charles and Camilla A British opinion poll says that they shouldn’t marry. Would you take marital advice from people who like warm beer and kidney pie?
8 Elizabeth Taylor She’s proudly sporting gray hair. Good grief, what’s next? Off-the-rack clothes?
9 Corey Haim The former teenage star has filed for bankruptcy. Aaron Spelling may have some work for him — fixing his roof.
10 Hair guitar Scientists have made a musical instrument that’s thinner than a human hair. So you can practice in an airplane seat.
11 Beavis and Butt-head They’re ending their run on MTV. Their new job is running the Mir space station.
12 187 Samuel L. Jackson plays a high school teacher whose students are all thugs and killers. At least they’re not dropouts.
13 Emmy nominations One huge surprise after another. Unless you live on Earth and have a TV set.
14 Shaq The basketball giant will make a guest appearance on Baywatch. They use one of his shoes for a lifeboat.
15 Somnoplasty The new treatment for snoring. Doctors implant an artificial elbow in your back.