”I’m so Farrah right now. I just lost my mind…” — Janeane Garofalo, after losing her train of thought, on Late Show With David Letterman.
”General Ralston was going to be the head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff but he has withdrawn from the race, saying it’s a demanding job and he’d like to spend more time with someone else’s wife and children.” — Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect.
”According to a readers’ poll in Seventeen, the celebrity they wish they could go out with is Leonardo DiCaprio. Meanwhile, the celebrity they wish would stop asking them out is Jerry Seinfeld.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night.