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Stupid questions with Thomas Calabro

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During his Five seasons on Melrose Place, Thomas Calabro, 38, has deceived and delighted as the underhanded, oversexed Dr. Michael Mancini. Now, in the flesh-peddling movie-of-the-week L.A. Johns, Calabro exposes new range by playing…an underhanded, oversexed TV producer with a hankering for hookers. ”It’s fun for me to play an unforgivingly terrible person,” he chuckles. Calabro — who’s busy moving into new Los Angeles digs with wife Liz, 2 1/2-year-old daughter Conner, and 8-month-old son Augustus — was nice enough to take EW up on its proposition to discuss everything from Melrose to lunch meats:

1. Why doesn’t anyone on Melrose Place have a pet?

Hmmm. Probably because we spend too much time grooming ourselves.

2. Speaking of grooming — which of the Melrose men spends the most time in hair and makeup?

Wack Jagner! That guy [Jack Wagner] spends more time in hair and makeup than all the women. And trust me, buddy, he needs the work.

3. So who’s the worst kisser on the cast?

Doug Savant. I could get into trouble for saying this, but he usually misses your mouth.

4. Have you guys ever skinny-dipped in the Melrose pool?

No, but have we peed in it? I believe that’s how we filled it.

5. What’s one childhood fear that you’ve carried into adulthood?

That I’d be an actor on a night-time soap.

6. Do you have any guilty TV pleasures?

Barney. I have no choice. And I sat through The Aristocats twice. I thought that was a pretty good movie.

7. If you were caught giving a transvestite a ride home, what would your excuse be?

I’d sing the song ”I’ll Never Fall in Love Again.” [Breaks into song] What do you get when you fall in love?/You get enough germs to catch pneumonia…

8. Should Kathie Lee forgive Frank?

It’s not like the Bosnia situation, is it? I can’t answer that one.

9. You starred in Ladykillers, a 1988 TV movie about a cop who goes undercover as a stripper. Which did you like better, Showgirls or Striptease?

I thought Showgirls was an incredible comedy; we laughed all the way through it. I didn’t see Striptease — was that the one with that Latino girl?

10. If you could be any lunch mear, which one would you be?

[Thoughtful pause] Mortadella.

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