1 GARRY KASPAROV VS. DEEP BLUE Can a human still beat a computer at chess? Sure, if he plays the one at my bank.
2 20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA Are there really that many baseball teams down there?
3 THE FIFTH ELEMENT In this futuristic film, taxicabs fly. What’s really odd is that the drivers speak English and the passengers don’t.
4 THE ODYSSEY Will people watch a TV miniseries of the classic Greek epic? As long as it’s not up against Xena.
5 DONALD TRUMP Thanks to his prenup with Marla, he gets custody. Of the money.
6 HANSON How young are the ”MMM Bop” rockers? They can’t wait till they’re old enough to ask LeAnn Rimes for a date.
7 FLIPPER The star of the ’60s TV show has passed away. The rumor is she OD’d on blowfish.
8 FATHER’S DAY Two guys both think they’re the parent of the same runaway boy. It’s based on either a French movie or a Dr. Laura phone call.
9 AREALA, WARRIOR NUN Some Catholics are offended by this cartoon character. Where were they when I had her in sixth grade?
10 EDDIE MURPHY Giving a transsexual hooker a ride home at 4:45 in the morning? Just researching his new movie, The Nutty Samaritan.
11 JERRY SPRINGER A Chicago anchor quit when he joined her news show, but most people liked his ”Topless Eyewitness News Team” idea.
12 MARCIA CLARK The O.J. prosecutor is out with her book, Without a Doubt. Start it now so you can wrap it up by next June.
13 THE LAST DON The miniseries about the Mob contains scenes of passion and violence. Oh, it’s like an afternoon soap opera.
14 DON JOHNSON The Nash Bridges star is dating his 18-year-old TV daughter. Maybe her TV father should talk to him.
15 THE BEE GEES The Rock and Roll Hall of Famers have released a new song. It’s called ”Stayed Alive.”