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SWEATHOG EQUITY

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We’ve seen loads of ancient sitcoms graduate to the movies. And we’ve seen more high school flicks than Alicia Silverstone could shake a cell phone at. But curiously, we’ve never seen Welcome Back, Kotter — The Motion Picture. TV’s Brooklyn-based, sweathog-stuffed classroom farce, which ran from 1975 to 1979 and launched John Travolta’s career, is just crying out for feature-film treatment. Hey, Travolta could even make the requisite cameo as vice principal Mr. Woodman. Here’s who should play the other roles. — Helena Ashton and A.J. Jacobs

VINNIE BARBARINO Joey Lawrence replaces John Travolta

ARNOLD HORSHACK David Schwimmer replaces Ron Palillo

JUAN EPSTEIN John Leguizamo replaces Robert Hegyes

GABE KOTTER Sean Penn replaces Gabriel Kaplan

FREDDIE WASHINGTON Dennis Rodman replaces Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs

JULIE KOTTER Marcia Strassman replaces Marcia Strassman

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