Jim Mullen’ Hot Sheet
1 John Wayne Bobbitt
According to his manager, he’s become a minister. His favorite hymn: ”I once was lost, but now I’m found.”
2 Medical Marijuana
Voters okayed it in California and Arizona last month. But they keep forgetting about it.
3 Jerry Maguire
Tom Cruise teaches us there’s more to life than money and sex. There are some things you’d rather find out for yourself.
4 The Preacher’s Wife
Denzel Washington is heaven-sent to rescue Whitney Houston’s marriage. They could’ve sent Urkel and saved an hour.
5 Mars Attacks!
The mission to rescue Michael Jackson.
6 Dalmatian Mania
Put black spots on anything and it will sell. So what if you feel funny driving it to work?
7 Donald Trump
He claims he won $20 million on a $1 million bet. What luck — to have $1 million.
8 Princess Masako
The wife of Japan’s crown prince finally held a press conference. But did she have to wear the ”I’m With Stupid” T-shirt?
9 Ice on the Moon
Call me when they find ice cream.
The Kenneth Branagh version is four hours long. Forrest Gump could say it faster.
11 Type A Influenza
Don’t complain. At least you’re getting something that’s top quality.
12 TV Ratings
The networks are proposing six categories. Bad, Disgusting, Pointless, Stupid, Revolting, and Absolute Trash.
John Travolta plays an overweight angel with a 5 o’clock shadow. Wow, every night the local Quickie-Mart is full of angels.
She was an encyclopedia of child-rearing advice on Oprah. From how to pick a nanny to changing diapers in a limousine.
15 Disney World
Catholic officials don’t want priests to perform weddings there anymore. People might get the impression that marriage could be fun.