1. PANDORA’S CLOCK
A fast-killing virus infects the passengers and crew on a transatlantic flight. Luckily, not everyone had the chicken.
The human hair ball is leaving Guns N’ Roses. Their hectic schedule was killing him.
3. THE CODE
The male version of The Rules: Never be the first to bathe. Don’t call her Toots when you forget her name.
4. SET IT OFF
Female bonding among four cash-starved young black women who go on a crime spree. Originally titled Thelma & Latifah.
Mel Gibson is forced to pay a huge sum of money to assure his son’s health and happiness. So what college is the kid in?
6. ANTHOLOGY 3
Outtakes from the Beatles’ White Album and Abbey Road. Played backward, it says, ”Ringo needed money.”
7. CHRISTMAS CATALOGS
There will be 13 billion mailed this year — to about 1 million addresses.
8. THE EVITA SOUNDTRACK
Madonna sings show tunes. She sounds different with her clothes on.
9. WOODY HARRELSON
He’s in trouble for planting hemp in Kentucky. It was interfering with an illegal still operation.
10. ALICIA SILVERSTONE
The Clueless star winged a pedestrian with her car. What was he doing on the sidewalk anyway?
11. BOSTON COLLEGE INVESTIGATION
What’s the difference between organized crime and college football? You can’t get an athletic scholarship to the Mob.
12. MICHAEL JACKSON’S BABY
The woman says she isn’t pregnant by artificial insemination, but the police want to photograph his turkey baster.
There’s one sure way not to be bothered by rude, intrusive photographers: Stay poor and unknown.
14. JENNY JONES
No one watched her testify. She was up against ”Boyfriends Who Sleep With Your Mom” on Ricki Lake.
15. TYSON VS. HOLYFIELD
Afraid of another short bout, they’re going to charge by the round. If that doesn’t work, they’ll try pay-per-punch.