A.J. Jacobs
November 08, 1996 AT 05:00 AM EST

She may have a new husband, a new name, and a new outlook on life (”I’ve been too happy to cry lately,” she says), but one look at Tammy Faye Messner’s thick-as-tree-trunks L’Oreal eyelashes, and you know she’s the same old fabulous Bakker girl. Messner has just written a book, Tammy: Telling It My Way, about her days in the notorious PTL Club; her nemesis Jessica Hahn; her new husband, contractor Roe Messner; and her ex-husband, ex-con evangelist Jim Bakker (who, incidentally, has written a rival tell-all called I Was Wrong). EW asked Messner some questions our way.

1. What do you think of Kiss’s makeup?
I don’t care for their makeup at all. Black and white should be worn in the form of a blouse or shirt, not on the face.

2. When do you take off your makeup?
I don’t take it off at night. I take it off in the morning, and I cleanse it really well. I’m going to bed with the person I love most in the whole world, so I’m not going to look like crap for him.

3. What’s your favorite sport?
Bowling, because you set ’em up and knock ’em down. I name the pins, and then, boy, I throw the ball at them. I say, ”This is Jerry Falwell, this is Katie Couric.” … She was just added [after a contentious MSNBC interview].

4. What were some rejected book titles?
All I Did Was Sing. Because people say, ”Why weren’t you indicted?” and I say, ”All I did was sing.” Also, I Was Right, because Jim’s book is I Was Wrong.

5. What do you have in your refrigerator?
I normally have skim milk, carrots, Diet Coke, and Mountain Dew for [my husband] Roe. And Miracle Whip. I don’t eat a sandwich without Miracle Whip.

6. What’s the question you get asked most?
”How long does it take you to put on your makeup?” I always say, ”Five minutes. It goes real fast when you use a paintbrush.”

7. What was your favorite ride at the PTL theme park?
The merry-go-round. Because everyone thinks I’m a dizzy dame anyway.

8. Who would you rather be interviewed by, Jay Leno or David Letterman?
David Letterman. I think he’s a very kind person. He makes fun of people, but underneath, I think David is a very nice man.

9. What’s the most opulent thing you own?
We don’t own anything opulent. We drive a Honda Accord. This watch is from the flea market. I really don’t own anything opulent. That’s not to say I won’t again!

10. If they make your book into a movie, who should play Jessica Hahn?
Somebody really ugly and homely. And with very small boobs.

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