Entertainment Weekly

Stay Connected

Subscribe

Advertise With Us

Learn More

Skip to content

Article

Sound Bites: the week's best TV quotes

TV’s funniest lines from the week of August 9 to August 15

Posted on

”How many of you are just glad I’m not John Tesh?”
— David Letterman, kicking off his first post-Olympics Late Show

”Did you know every single athlete that you have seen on your television screen has been tested for drugs?…Or as NBC calls it: Must Pee TV.”
— Jay Leno on The Tonight Show

”Tommy Lasorda will retire after nearly two decades, due to heart problems. However, there is no truth to the rumor that the Slim Fast poster boy’s heart problem was caused by his escalating diet — which was up to seven shakes for breakfast, seven shakes for lunch, and three sensible dinners.”
— Craig Kilborn on Comedy Central’s The Daily Show