1 Dennis Rodman MTV’s giving him his own show. Where else could you learn that some Victoria’s Secret items can cause jock itch?
2 ”Gone With the Wind” The blockbuster movie of all time (when measured in 1996 dollars). They’re hoping it will turn a profit in a few years.
3 Boris Yeltsin They insist his health is not a problem. He just likes to go from room to room on a gurney.
4 ”Friends” Its stars want $100,000 an episode each. Sounds like a lot, but how are the benefits?
5 ”The Frighteners” Michael J. Fox plays a crooked ghostbuster. What other kind is there?
6 Money Scientists were disappointed to learn that it can’t buy happiness. Bet the study lasted 15 years and cost $4 billion.
7 The Olympics Ten thousand participants from 197 countries. It’s either Atlanta ’96 or a Brooklyn subway station.
8 ”Trainspotting” A cult film about young Scottish heroin addicts. For people who think Leaving Las Vegas would make a nice musical.
9 Olympic Beach Volleyball Does the winner get a gold medal or a guest spot on Baywatch?
10 ”Kingpin” A comedy about bowling. As opposed to all the dramas about bowling.
11 The Royal Divorce Diana can no longer be called ”Her Royal Highness.” But she can still call Charles ”butthead.”
12 Basketball Hundred-million-dollar figures are becoming common. But no one is forcing you to buy the courtside seats.
13 ”Hawaii Five-O” The latest old TV show to be turned into a movie. In five years, the only thing left to film will be Manimal.
14 Haircuts Why do they charge women more than men for the same thing? Don’t ask me; ask a dry cleaner.
15 Miss America Viewers will get to vote by 900 number to select the five finalists. To call, you must be over 18 and have no life.