We object, Your Honor. Why? Because logically, the 118-minute The Juror ought to have run about five minutes: As the judge interviews Demi Moore during jury selection for a high-profile Mob trial, the defendant’s thuggish friends watch from the courtroom floor, relaying her personal data to suave psycho Alec Baldwin. In real life, such proceedings are closed to the public to avoid jury tampering. End of movie. Here’s a viewer’s guide to other recent films that never should have lasted past the opening scenes.
Indecent Proposal Plot: On a trip to Las Vegas, head turner Demi Moore (again) snags $1 million for sleeping with suave rich guy Robert Redford while husband Woody Harrelson tears out his hair. Head scratcher: Why didn’t the couple take the $25,000 they won at craps and put it in the bank? Better ending: Moore bolsters the nest egg by dancing at the Eager Beaver.
Shallow Grave Plot: When three greedy roommates find a suitcase full of cash near the corpse of their new boarder, they dismember and bury the body. Head scratcher: Why didn’t they report his death to the cops and pocket the loot? Better ending: They pool their money for a night with Demi Moore.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder Plot: Terrorists disable an airport radio tower and keep planes circling overhead. Head scratcher: Why didn’t authorities contact the planes using a radio in one of the airport’s many grounded aircraft? Better ending: Hero Bruce Willis flies to Vegas to rendezvous with wife Demi Moore.
The Client Plot: New Orleans mobsters pursue a scrappy 11-year-old after he witnesses the suicide of a Mafia lawyer. Head scratcher: Why didn’t the government enter the boy in the Witness Protection Program in the first place, instead of waiting until the film’s climax? Better ending: The kid gets adopted by Harrelson and Moore.