1 Disney Boycott Southern Baptists are upset that the company gives equal benefits to gay couples. They’re not too happy about Tomorrowland, either.
2 ”The Nutty Professor” Eddie Murphy makes a formula that lets him drop 250 pounds overnight. It’s got the same ingredients as airline food.
3 Anti-Olestra Ads Scientists want it banned because it causes diarrhea and cramps. As if regular chips are health food.
4 ”Eraser” Arnold Schwarzenegger jumps out of planes and shoots gators to save Vanessa Williams. But he can’t quit cigars?
5 ”Bryan Adams” He sings a song called ”I Wanna Be Your Underwear.” Almost as romantic as ”I Wanna Be Food Caught in Your Retainer.”
6 Metallica They’re headlining the Lollapalooza tour because they’re an alternative band. The alternative to young and pretty.
7 ”Striptease” Demi takes off her clothes. Who dropped the hat this time?
8 ”The Hunchback of Notre Dame” Didn’t he win the Heisman Trophy last year?
9 Michael Jordan Bijan is making a cologne named after the Bulls star. How much will you spend for a bottle of Air?
10 ”Switchblade Sisters” They’re rereleasing this ’70s exploitation film because it’s art. That reminds me, I have to put out the art today.
11 Matthew McConaughey The media say the unknown actor will soon be a household word. He’s changing his name to Prozac.
12 McDonald’s It’s putting Babe-the-pig toys in its Happy Meals. Are they bacon flavored?
13 Peter Max The Beatles-era artist has been charged with tax fraud. All you need is love. And a good lawyer.
14 Candice Bergen The five-time Emmy winner rejected a chance to be nominated again. Which makes her automatically eligible for a Julie.
15 Montel Williams He’s been accused of sexual harassment. In America, you’re innocent till Hard Copy gets the story.