1 The Tony Awards Bickering, hurt feelings, and charges of unfair judging. It sounds more like the Tonya awards.
2 ”Dragonheart” The movie they thought couldn’t be made — too violent for kids, too dumb for adults.
3 Orbitz A new soft drink containing floating globs of ooze. New? There’s been something like that in my fridge for years.
4 ”Eddie” Obnoxious fan Whoopi Goldberg becomes the coach of a basketball team. What a twist. Usually they make them sportscasters.
5 Andy Griffith The former Matlock has a best-selling CD. How long before Courtney Love tries to date him?
6 ”Clueless” Mattel plans to make dolls based on the movie characters. They’re anatomically correct: Their heads are full of air.
7 Science Quiz Half of all Americans surveyed don’t know that the earth goes around the sun once a year. They would if only it had been on Friends.
8 The Drought It’s one of the century’s worst in parts of Texas and Oklahoma. So why are you farming there? Go to Alaska and grow oranges.
9 The First Baby The Clintons say they might adopt. Madonna wants to know if they’d like a girl.
10 Minimum Wage Opponents say that if we raise it, young people will lose their jobs. Sure, but they’ll still be able to live on the two they have left.
11 Roller Coasters It seems every theme park has new ”thrill rides.” Some are almost as scary as a cab to the airport.
12 Eric Douglas He’s finally making it on his own. None of his famous relatives have ever been Celebrity Cellmate of the Month.
13 Planet Hollywood Adding Singapore and Sydney. A small town is now defined as having only one theme restaurant.
14 Tom Selleck He’s turned an appearance on Friends into a sitcom to be named later. That’s called Magnum, PR.
15 Peter Graves The original Mr. Phelps is miffed he wasn’t asked to the Mission: Impossible premiere. He couldn’t sneak in?