1 Louisa May Alcott Her unpublished manuscript was found in the Harvard library. Along with some missing students from the class of ’68.
2 Sharon Stone She’s being sued by an ex-”personal assistant” for $700,000. Think just anyone can pick up the dry cleaning?
3 Flipper The film version of the ’60s TV show. We started using those dolphin-free nets one movie too soon.
4 Twister Competing storm chasers try to be the first to see inside a tornado. They can’t rent The Wizard of Oz like normal people?
5 George Jones If you take cocaine, let the Mafia run your business, and squander a fortune, then you might be a redneck.
6 The Impotence Pill If it works, it’ll kill the little-red-sports-car business.
7 Skin Cancer Doctors say a million Americans will get it this year, so they’ve invented something to protect you. It’s called clothes.
8 Jackson 5 Reunion The brothers are getting back together one more time. For the We Need Money Again tour.
9 Fergie, Supermodel She does look a little like Kate Moss. Yeah, filled with helium.
10 George C. Scott He’s facing sexual-harassment charges. At his age, they may have to change it to just plain harassment.
11 76,000 Dollars What it costs to play golf with President Clinton. And how much is it if you don’t want to carry his clubs?
12 Marion Barry Why is it okay to test baseball players for drugs but not politicians?
13 Commencement Someday you and your classmates will run this country. Try not to get too wasted the night before.
14 Wahoo, Neb. How’d they get Letterman to make them the new ”home office”? They promised him he wouldn’t have to go visit.
15 A Votre Sante Vintners want the FDA to let them list wine’s health benefits. Like the fresh air you get sleeping on a park bench.