1 Jeffrey Dahmer Auction His freezer would be just the perfect place to store all the junk you bought at the Jackie O. sale.
2 Madonna’s Baby She says she wants to raise it as a good Catholic. Does that mean she’s not going to keep it?
3 Minimum Wage If we raise it, the working poor will just waste it on food and medicine.
4 Macaulay Culkin He claims his father slapped him. What is wrong with his dad? It’s way too late to start now.
5 Michael Jackson He bought a $12 million chateau in France. He liked the place as soon as he heard the name: Petit Bois.
6 Barb Wire Pamela Anderson Lee as the female terminator. She got the part because her pecs are almost as big as Arnold’s.
7 Joe Eszterhas He’ll get $2 million for his script about nutty militias. And $1 million more for each $10 million it loses.
8 Last Dance Sharon Stone plays a woman on death row. Where’s that glass ceiling when you need one?
9 New York Men They have the highest sperm counts in the nation. Because no one wants it.
10 Olympic Games Atlanta officials were afraid some naked statues in L.A. would offend TV viewers. So they had them cross-dressed.
11 The Pallbearer David Schwimmer wonders what to say to an old crush at a funeral. ”Do you come here often?”
12 Baby Gates America’s richest dad says she will have a normal childhood. And where do I buy cashmere disposable diapers?
13 Fat Pills You eat them and they make you feel full. We used to call them Milk Duds.
14 Rent The musical about young downtown bohemians has become a big hit. What next? Condo?
15 TV Land A new channel with reruns 24 hours a day. They got the idea from watching NBC last month.