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The funniest TV lines from March 29, 1996

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”Why do people feel they have to get drunk on St. Patrick’s Day? That’s an insult to all the millions of Irish people that don’t drink — the ones that are in AA.”
Colin Quinn on Saturday Night Live

”NBA player Mahmoud Abdul-Rauf has changed his mind and now says he will stand for the national anthem — unless it’s being sung by Kathie Lee Gifford.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”Steve Forbes has dropped out of the presidential race. Reportedly, Forbes was so despondent he was overheard saying ‘I feel like a million bucks.”’
Norm MacDonald on SNL

”Me thinketh you stinketh.”
Tim (Tim Allen) on his wife’s performance as Juliet, on Home Improvement