If Al Franken ever met Rush Limbaugh, he’d express sincere gratitude: ”I’d thank him for being so vile.” After all, the rotund right-winger provided a hard-to-miss target for Franken’s 271-page rant, Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot, a left-leaning, bile-spewing, political-humor book. Recently, Franken, a former Saturday Night Live writer and creator of support-group addict Stuart Smalley — found time for some of our own idiocy.
1. What were some of the book’s rejected titles?
There was Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Lying Hypocrite. But that was too confrontational. Then there was Newt Gingrich Is a Big Fat Jerk. And Richard Armey Is a Big Fat Dick.
2. What are Stuart Smalley’s politics?
I’ll have to ask Stuart. Stuart, come on in here. [In Stuart’s voice] Okay, I’m not very political. But one of my heroes was Mahatma Gandhi — although a woman in my Overeaters Anonymous told me he had an eating disorder.
3. How much do a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs cost?
I think it costs about $30 or $40.
4. Who was more offended by your book’s title, fat people or Rush Limbaugh?
No one is more sensitive to overeating than the creator of Stuart Smalley. Let me say that. But the dittoheads can’t seem to comprehend the [book’s] level of irony. Throughout my book tour, I’ve received very angry calls from ditto-heads. And one of the joys of the book tour is taunting them.
5. Who was the best President ever?
Bill Clinton is the greatest President of the 20th century because I played touch football with him.
6. How is Clinton’s handshake?
Firm, warm, and surprisingly sensual.
7. What’s in your fridge right now?
A gallon of milk and a dozen eggs.
8. If you met Rush Limbaugh in a sumo-wrestling ring, what would the result be?
If I met him in a sumo-wrestling ring, I’d assume I was the referee and he’d get his ass whipped by the other grotesquely fat guy.
9. What were the nasty nicknames kids used to call you when you were growing up?
If you can believe it, they’d call me ”Frankenstein.” Those were some of the smarter kids.
10. Who is Anonymous?
I don’t know. But I’ll tell you one thing: Whoever it is, he’s pretty secretive.