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Soundbites

TV’s funniest lines from the week of February 2, 2009

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”Someone’s trying to send you a message: Cut down on the cholesterol.”
Sheriff Lucas Buck (Gary Cole), to a man who saw blood inside an egg, on American Gothic

”In a recent interview, Baywatch‘s Pamela Lee said her therapist has advised her to be more feminine. So she’s making arrangements to install a third breast.”
Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”O.J. Simpson did his first interview since the trial on BET. I think he would’ve been better off on the Sci-Fi Channel.”
David Letterman on Late Show

”He was humping everything in sight. I have a Malibu Barbie who can no longer wear white to her wedding.”
Rachel (Jennifer Aniston), explaining why Marcel the monkey had to leave, on Friends