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SOUND BITES

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”AL ROKER is taking over Willard Scott’s job on the Today show. Don’t feel bad for Willard, though: He just made $2 million selling his list of 100-year-olds to Dr. Kevorkian.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night

”POLICE HAVE arrested the man who was pictured throwing snowballs at Giants Stadium. If convicted, he [may] face six months in jail and a $1,000 fine. If it turns out he was under the influence of alcohol or drugs, he’ll be signed by the Yankees.” — David Letterman on Late Show

”YOU’VE DONE a lot for the American economy. Without you, the hideous-neckwear industry would have gone belly-up.” — John McLaughlin, to the sartorially challenged Morton Kondracke, on The McLaughlin Group