Last year, Tom Hanks announced in Forrest Gump that he’d once been shot ”in the butt-tocks,” while Christopher Walken divulged a hind-end hiding place for a watch in Pulp Fiction. Result? $900 million in combined grosses. Maybe that helps explain why this year, talk of backsides waxed in entertainment circles like, well, a full moon. Here’s a roundup of folks who fixated on gluteuses to the maximus:
Jerry Seinfeld & Co. on Seinfeld In one episode, ”The Fusilli Jerry,” George’s dad sits on a wee statuette made of the corkscrew pasta. He winds up having it removed in the office of the very proctologist whose custom ASSMAN license plates have been mistakenly given to Kramer, who announces, Walrus-like, ”I am the assman!”
David Letterman on Late Night Touche, Jerry: Dave made Canadian gas-station attendant Dick Assman the derriere du jour when he showed one of the guy’s newspaper ads. Letterman began mentioning Mr. A constantly, finally inviting him on the show after helping him hawk briefs (Dick up front, Assman on the back) and T-shirts. What, no fanny packs?
Bruce Willis and ensemble in Die Hard With a Vengeance What’s the deal with screenwriter Jonathan Hensleigh? He had characters threaten to jam a chair, a lightning bolt, a foot, a thumb, and a truck up yonder.
Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls No Tarzan yells for Jim: He prefers talking through his rear end.
Mel Gibson and army in Braveheart Not content merely to display his own rump, as he does in many of his movies, director Mel had an entire Scottish brigade raise their kilts in order to wag their ”arses” at invading Englishmen.
Fringe musicians Try asking your friendly music-store clerk for the new recordings by the Ass Ponies, Big Ass Truck, Buttsteak, or Butt Trumpet. The big question is, will they ever find a headliner they can open for?