EW Staff
December 22, 1995 AT 05:00 AM EST

G-Wizards: The FBI digs The X-Files. When the star of Fox’s eerie series David Duchovny played a game of Celebrity Jeopardy! a few weeks back, ”there were a couple agents in the audience who wanted to say hi,” says the actor. Since he plays a fed every week, Duchovny couldn’t resist probing for a review. ”I asked them, ‘What do we do wrong? How are we?”’ The response was blunt. ”They said, ‘You’re terrible.’ They love the show, but basically, we don’t act like FBI people. The FBI would never send one or two people into a dark place with a flashlight—stuff that we do every damn week. We’re acting much more like cops.” Even so, the G-men did praise the actor’s calm, courteous demeanor—and they even gave Duchovny a tip: ”Never pull out your ID with your gun hand.” —Jeff Gordinier

Crimson Ties: Though they were chosen as partners for the new concert series VH1 Duets (think MTV Unplugged with a twist), Matthew Sweet and John Hiatt were sure they had nothing in common. The Nashville-based Hiatt’s a little bit country, while power-pop Sweet is a little more rock & roll. Then they met. Arriving on stage to tape the show, which airs Dec. 20, the musicians found they had a sartorial link. ”We both wore the same thing — a red shirt under black clothes,” says Sweet. ”We [told] the audience that we didn’t plan it that way. They better not edit it out of the show. Otherwise people will think that VH1 dressed us.” —Casey Davidson

Danes Modern: Alas, poor Kenneth Branagh. Having cast two clowns — Robin Williams and Billy Crystal — in his upcoming Hamlet, the Brit director is in a prince of a fix: How to rein them in? ”They’re not in the same scene, thank Christ!” says Branagh, who cast himself as the melancholy Dane. ”We’ll work with them on different days, otherwise the studio will explode.” Williams plays courtier Osric; Crystal is the gravedigger who unearths poor Yorick’s skull. It’s this scene that Branagh worries may get Crystal-ized. ”I can see it now,” he says. ”A box of fake skulls and Billy juggling.” But filming the movie — which also stars Jack Lemmon, Julie Christie, and Gerard Depardieu — may be nothing compared with the billing. ”Alphabetical, alphabetical, alphabetical!” asserts Branagh. ”Otherwise, it’s agent-nightmare hell time.” —Cindy Pearlman

Fishing and Chips: What’s wrong with this picture? That’s Kathy Ireland, Vendela, and Naomi Campbell fishing and snacking in a new commercial for Baked Lay’s low-fat potato chips that’ll air during the Jan. 1 Rose Bowl. And though the three supermodels don’t have an inch to pinch, Ireland insists the chips were downed during the two-day shoot. ”I don’t even want to think about how many bags we went through,” she says. Ireland adds that she and Vendela could vie for the title of Fiercest Face Stuffer, but Campbell ”was a little more ladylike.” She preferred the reel thing. ”Naomi got into fishing,” says Ireland. ”She caught the biggest fish. But then, she also caught a duck by accident.” —Jessica Shaw

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