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Sound Bites

The funniest lines of television for the week of Dec. 15

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”I asked the neighbors if they’d seen any strange cars. One reported spotting something called a ‘minivan.’ ” — Niles (David Hyde Pierce), after his wife, Maris, disappeared, on Frasier

”I’ve heard some very good things about Das Booty.” — Bob Saget, explaining why he went to see a porno movie, on The Naked Truth

”Your two children, they can never skip school in their whole lives.” — Jay Leno to Cal Ripken Jr., who recently set the record for most consecutive baseball games played, on The Tonight Show

”You got Drew Barrymore, I get this.” — Paul Shaffer, after David Letterman jumped up on his desk and started to drop his pants as a birthday salute, on Late Show