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Sound Bites

The funniest TV quotes for the week of December 8, 1995

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”My life couldn’t fill a haiku, much less a book.” — Bill (Phil Hartman), struggling to write his autobiography, on NewsRadio

”Look at the time. I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry—if I’m late, he can talk amongst himself.” — Niles (David Hyde Pierce), on Frasier

”Mulder, this is even hokier than the one they aired on the Fox network.” — Scully (Gillian Anderson), scoffing at a video of an alleged alien autopsy, on The X-Files

”Eighty-three percent of Britons say they forgive Princess Di for her infidelity. Apparently, the other 17 percent have never gotten a good look at Prince Charles.” — Conan O’Brien on Late Night