1 SO FAR…
Kelsey Grammer’s autobiography. Or the word for couch in Boston.
2 THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT
Can a bachelor politician date while in the White House? Why not? The married ones do.
Pierce Brosnan takes over the license to kill. His first assignment? Eliminate the guy who wrote his Remington Steele contract.
4 TORI SPELLING
Someone allegedly tried to blackmail the 90210 star. If it weren’t for that, she’d get no mail at all.
5 PUERTO VALLARTA SQUEEZE
Robert James Waller’s new book — not a euphemism for Montezuma’s revenge.
6 SOUP NAZI
This real-life Seinfeld character will ban you if you don’t order and pay in seven seconds. If only he ran a bank.
7 THE BEATLES
ABC’s trying to re-create Beatlemania. It’s working. If the network runs that promo one more time, we’ll all scream.
8 MADONNA’S BALLADS CD
Includes ”Dennis, I Love What You’ve Done to Your Hair.”
9 BEAUJOLAIS NOUVEAU
Young and unpretentious, with a good nose. Can’t say the same about the people who drink it.
10 COLIN POWELL
He doesn’t have the fire in his belly for politics. So that’s why Clinton and Dole kept sending him Tums.
11 JURASSIC PARK II
Spielberg has agreed to direct the sequel about a fun park run amok. Its working title: EuroDisney.
12 BUDGET CRISIS
Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote.
13 MIKE WALLACE
Isn’t being a 60 Minutes correspondent and Marlin Fitzwater’s publicity director a conflict of interest?
14 MARCIA CLARK
She’s getting $4.2 million to write her book. For that kind of money, Johnnie Cochran could be a prosecutor.
15 MACY’S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE
Famed for giant gas-filled balloons. Hell, you can see ’em on C-SPAN every day.