1 TO DIE FOR Nicole Kidman plays a woman who’ll stop at nothing to become famous. What does she do? Marry a really big star?
2 FARM AID’S 10TH ANNIVERSARY No wonder the family farm’s in danger. You can make a lot more money singing about it.
3 STEVE FORBES Malcolm’s son is against affirmative action. He earned that $400 mil inheritance.
4 BAYWATCH NIGHTS The answer to the little-asked question, ”What does David Hasselhoff look like with his shirt on?”
5 THE BIG GREEN Different from The Mighty Ducks. In this, a bumbling coach leads a pathetic peewee soccer team to victory.
6 THE ADDICTION The story of a female vampire. In keeping with the theme, the entire movie sucks.
7 STING He claims his financial adviser clipped him for $9.3 million. It’s hard to believe Orange County hasn’t hired the guy.
8 GLORIA ESTEFAN She’s been in bus and boating mishaps. I don’t care how big a fan you are, I wouldn’t go on a balloon ride with her.
9 MELATONIN Believed to be an antidote for aging, and health stores can’t keep the stuff in stock. It worked for me — I’m wearing diapers again.
10 MACAULAY CULKIN Rumor says the star and his brothers are hosting raucous beer parties. Where are these kids’ agents?
11 DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS Denzel Washington probes a murder in ’40s L.A. First things first: Where was O.J. that night?
12 WAL-MART It yanked ”Someday a woman will be President” T-shirts. The new slogan: ”The customer is always right-wing.”
13 THE O.J. TRIAL The jurors may surprise us and do the right thing: Find the lawyers guilty.
14 MOONLIGHT AND VALENTINO Jon Bon Jovi shows up to paint a young widow’s house. Only in Hollywood. In real life you’d get Danny DeVito.
15 STEAL BIG, STEAL LITTLE Andy Garcia as twins competing for an inheritance. Well, duh. Either way he gets it.