EW Staff
October 06, 1995 AT 04:00 AM EDT

In order to promote their spanking new tome David Letterman’s Book of Top Ten Lists and Zesty Lo-Cal Chicken Recipes (absolutely no recipes included), Letterman and his writers have come up with a list tailor-made for ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY. We’re not sure whether to be flattered or insulted — guess we’ll be both.

Top Ten Sure-Fire Ways to Get in Entertainment Weekly:
10. Pay Heidi Fleiss by check
9. Spend $200 million on a movie about a guy with gills
8. Launch a controversial Calvin Klein underwear campaign featuring provocatively posed 90-year-olds
7. Get together with a couple of your girlfriends and take turns marrying Larry King
6. First name Hootie or last name Dogg
5. Be a highly paid ass double on NYPD Blue
4. Have a brief career as a child star, then knock over a liquor store
3. ”Date” Divine Brown
2. Screw up hosting the Academy Awards
1. Slap together a lame collection of Top Ten lists

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