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How Ted Nugent makes a CD booklet readable

How Ted Nugent makes a CD booklet readable — ”Spirit of the Wild” text is funnier than the music

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For most artists, liner notes are rote lists of credits and acknowledgments. Not so for aging wild man Ted Nugent. The booklet accompanying his Spirit of the Wild is even funnier than the he-man grunt-rock inside. Here, then, are the Nuge’s 10 ways to make a CD booklet eminently readable.

1. Start with ridiculously silly song titles. Like ”Kiss My Ass,” ”Thighraceous,” and ”Lovejacker.” And don’t worry if you’re not a twentysomething metalhead — the Nuge is 46.
2. Write lyrics to match and print them in full. Example: ”I believe in animal rights/I let my dog hump on my shin.”
3. Pepper those lyrics with a few deep thoughts. ”The red man walked on the sacred hillside/The black man he runs through his Africa/But my daddy stalked the amber prairies.”
4. Start your own Republican revolution. For ”Kiss My Ass,” hunter/gunner Nuge pillories, among others, Janet Reno, ”Billary,” the NAACP, Courtney Love, Sarah Brady, vegetarians Paul and Linda McCartney, and the ”global community.”
5. Include handy factoids for fans. Ever the bloodthirsty sportsman, the Nuge includes a number for taxidermy info.
6. Include a motto suitable for bumper stickers. ”Short Skirts-R-Us, with flesh & fiber for all,” he writes in the notes.
7. Try to convince young headbangers that you are still ”naughty.” In his rambling statement of purpose, he writes, ”You can’t be what you eat, or I’d be your daughter.”
8. Thank your friends… Among the 146 thanked are Rush Limbaugh and guitar companies.
9. …but do it like a real man. Referring to those instruments, he writes, ”Ted uses whatever he damn well pleases.”
10. Be honest, but don’t look like a wuss. The credit for ”hair & makeup” is buried at the bottom of the page.