What the country is talking about this week…
1. 1995 Kids born in 1977 are old enough to vote. That should scare you more than any movie you’ll see this year.
<p? 2. Why Cats Paint So people who can’t read will buy books like this.
3. Nell Jodie Foster plays a barefoot woman raised in the wilderness who can barely talk. Who says there are no good parts for women?
4. Diana In Vail Where does she find the time?
5. Delta Burke She’s back on TV as a member of Congress. Quite a drop from playing a loudmouthed, brain-dead decorator.
6. Pentium Chips What’s big the fuss?
7. Legends of the Fall Three brothers love one woman on a Montana ranch. If their names are Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe, I’ve seen it already.
8. Publishers Clearing House How fishy will this look if Newt Gingrich wins?
9. Kombucha Mushroom Tea The newest New Age fad to cure your ills.Of course, if the crystals and pyramids had worked, you wouldn’t need it.
10. The 104th Congress Run by conservatives who think government is too intrusive, except when it comes to TV, baseball, sex, and prayer. Then it should butt in.
11. Richie Rich How are the people stupid enough to pay Macaulay Culkin millions smart enough to get the money?
12. Chechnya Hasn’t anyone in Russia seen pictures of this place? It’s like fighting over who gets to live in the town dump.
13. La Toya Jackson and Mike Tyson She says she’d like to marry him before the end of ’95. It’s sad when women have better luck at a prison than a singles bar.
14. Houseguest Sinbad moves in with a family to escape Mob killers — why we don’t call extra space the ”guest” room.
15. Cybill Shepherd On her TV show she plays a minor star trying to stretch out a lackluster career. Gee, who’d believe that?