December 02, 1994 at 05:00 AM EST

”Election night brought great news for Republicans. Ronald Reagan said he couldn’t remember the last time he was this happy.”
-Bill Maher on Politically Incorrect

”I was dying on the vine at NBC. I was used goods.I was damaged property. I was yesterday’s real estate. I was last night’s dinner. I was Tuesday’s laundry. I was last spring’s lawn ”
-David Letterman on CBS This Morning

‘Thanksgiving, what a farce! What do we got to be grateful for? Flesh-eating bacteria? Rwanda? Entertainment Tonight?”
-A patient (Garrett Morris) on ER

”Kathie Lee Gifford will be doing her own Christmas special. And they wonder why suicide rates go up around the olidays.”
-Jon Stewart on The Jon Stewart Show

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