Jeff Gordinier
November 04, 1994 AT 05:00 AM EST

True, the video release of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (see review on page 84) looks like a cash bath for Disney, but a lot has changed since the classic ; movie hit the screen 57 years ago. Folks are more cynical. In fact, we have a few bones to pick with the boys in the forest. Such as:

1. If Doc is a doctor, why can’t he cure Sneezy?
2. If you put Grumpy and Happy in a room together, do you end up with I’m Okay and You’re Okay?
3. If the dwarfs are diamond miners, how come they live in a crappy little hovel in the woods?
4. If the dwarfs went mano a mano with the Keebler Elves, who would win?
5. Why do the dwarfs wear condoms on their heads?
6. If Sleepy’s so zonked, why doesn’t he go to bed?
7. Why don’t the dwarfs kick the Prince’s butt and keep Snow White to themselves?

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