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Goldthwait, Belzer, Vidale and Gottfried: What's Their Line?

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Do great comic minds think alike? We posed the same seven questions separately to four stand-ups, all of whom appeared at the Montreal International Comedy Festival (Showtime, Aug. 23, 9:35-11:05 p.m.): Bobcat Goldthwait (Shakes the Clown), Richard Belzer (Homicide: Life on the Street), Thea Vidale (Thea), and Gilbert Gottfried (Aladdin). Here’s how their answers stack up. (Additional reporting by Heather Keets)

*What’s the cheesiest place in which you’ve ever performed?
Goldthwait: A Milwaukee sports bar. I interrupted the testosterone level.
Belzer: A converted deli. They still had the meat counter in there.
Vidale: A Pasadena country-western bar. They passed the hat to pay me.
Gottfried: A storage room with some folding chairs. There was only one person there, and he proceeded to tell me, ”Don’t do any blue material.”

*Who’s your favorite supermodel?
Goldthwait: Fabio. How do you become a supermodel? Do you fight crime on the weekends?
Belzer: Twiggy. She was famous when I was young.
Vidale: Iman. She’s stood the test of time.
Gottfried: I’m afraid to single one out because I might insult another one who might want to have sex with me. And I’d hate to be responsible for Claudia Schiffer bursting into tears.

*Who’s your favorite cartoon character?
Goldthwait: Screwy Squirrel. He’s one of the few cartoon characters with attention-deficit disorder.
Belzer: Daffy Duck. He was the original antiestablishment hero, even before Bugs Bunny.
Vidale: Betty Boop. The bitch is smooth.
Gottfried: I’d have to say Iago, the parrot (his Aladdin role).

*If they named a sandwich after you, what would be in it?
Goldthwait: Horseradish and bologna. I’m full of one, and the other makes people crazy.
Belzer: Rye, hold everything.
Vidale: The best beef you can get, jalapenos because I’m a spicy kind of girl, a little bit of cheese, a lot of mustard because I’m odd that way, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions.
Gottfried: Forty percent ham and sixty percent bologna.

*Do you have a favorite mug?
Goldthwait: Yes, it’s from the movie Dick Tracy. It’s in the shape of Madonna’s head. I just like the idea of drinking hot liquids from Madonna’s skull.
Belzer: It says CBS News Nightwatch. It was a gift from Charlie Rose.
Vidale: It’s black, and it says positive things like ”I Love Me” and ”You’re Great” all over it.
Gottfried: John Gotti.

*Who’s the funniest world leader of all time?
Goldthwait: Reagan. People get a lot of mileage out of him.
Belzer: Idi Amin. He was honest enough to eat his enemies.
Vidale: Clinton. The biggest issue he ever had to settle was a feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys.
Gottfried: Adolf Hitler. He’d make you giggle with his zany limericks. And when he did his bird calls, I was on the floor.

*What question could Barbara Walters ask you that would make you cry?
Goldthwait: ”Why do you think Jerry Seinfeld’s funny?”
Belzer: ”(Do you want to go) out to lunch?”
Vidale: Nothing. I would make her cry.
Gottfried: The question should be, ”What question could Barbara Walters ask me that I would understand?”