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The funniest TV lines from the week of August 14, 1994

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”I told my parents I was coming to see you and they asked me not to mention how old they are.” — Michael Moore to suicide doc Jack Kevorkian, on TV Nation

”You could send them another animal for their zoo.” — Etiquette expert Letitia Baldrige advising David Letterman on a wedding gift for Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley

”I didn’t get any help from the computers. I got help from Frederick’s of Hollywood.” — Cameron Diaz to Conan O’Brien on The Mask’s special effects

”I’d get sidetracked very easily. I’d find myself with animals just playing, stopping for a doughnut. I even went home to take a nap. And I’d take the mail with me.” — Dennis Franz on his stint as a postman, on Late Show