Jim Mullen
August 05, 1994 AT 04:00 AM EDT

1. Legionnaires’ Disease Cruise What a great travel bargain. Survivors get their money back.

2. 1-800-FREE-OJ Give him a call if you can prove his innocence. By the way, where were you two months ago?

3. Absolutely Fabulous A spoof of the fashion business. Aren’t clothes?

4. The Citadel Shannon Faulkner is smart, determined, and original. Couldn’t they tell she’s not officer material?

5. NYPD Blue The most Emmy nominations of any series. The four for creative swearing pushed them over the top.

6. Whitewater Hearings Finally, they’ll get to the bottom of this and it will never be mentioned again. Like Anita Hill and Iran-contra.

7. Dictionary of Slang At last. So many people spell %@*! wrong.

8. Gump-Mania Indeed, life is like a box of chocolates. All the good things are fattening or expensive.

9. Tonya in Penthouse I’d rather see Bob Guccione naked.

10. The Health Care Bus The one time when riding in a government limousine might have sent a better message.

11. It Could Happen to You A cop gives a waitress a $2 million tip. That’d be about right if he had the $15 million platter.

12. The Pope’s Best-Seller The rights to a book of his reflections have sold for $6 million. Danielle Steel may join a convent as a career move.

13. DNA Testing They say everyone has genetic fingerprints. Can genetic gloves be far behind?

14. All American Girl The new sitcom stars an Asian-American family. So every culture has one thing in common-unfunny jokes.

15. The Mask Putting on an ancient mask gives Jim Carrey the power to be incredibly funny. It must be the one Eddie Murphy lost.

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