1. I Love Trouble Julia Roberts, cub reporter. That’s someone’s fantasy. Most of them look more like Lyle Lovett.
2. The O.J. Simpson Channel All O.J., All the Time. Formerly known as CBS, NBC, and ABC.
3. The Real World Twentysomethings sharing a million-dollar house in San Francisco. As real as Janet Jackson dropping by for dinner.
4. The Shadow ”Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?” Anyone who’s ever dated one.
5. Tonya Harding She’ll be appearing soon on American Gladiators. It must be part of her punishment.
6. Blown Away Tommy Lee Jones as a mad bomber on the loose in Boston. He fits right in with the average Red Sox fan.
7. Sharon Stone She says Harry Winston gave her a $400,000 diamond necklace. Now, there’s a new idea — charity for the rich.
8. Faye Dunaway Was she ever.
9. John Wayne Bobbitt He might become a stand-up comedian. Yeah, Lorena says he’s a scream.
10. The Christian Right What was Jesus’ position on gun control? On health care? Jerry Falwell seems to know.
11. Baby’s Day Out The script should have been burped.
12. Prince Charles He’s hinted that when he becomes king he will not be the head of the Church of England. He wants to party for the first few years.
13. Barbra Streisand and Peter Jennings They attended a White House dinner together. They should have charged her $350 a seat.
14. Doonesbury A cartoon strip about gay marriages in the medieval church? Mary Worth is funnier.
15. Bette Midler She may play the President’s mom in the film of Leading With My Heart. Are there parts for the Harlettes, too?