1. Rod Serling
They’ve found two lost Twilight Zone scripts. That’s funny, they weren’t here yesterday.
2. ‘The Flintstones’
Hollywood used to worry that TV would kill the movies. Now they worry that they’ll run out of shows to rehash.
3. A Bart Simpson Stamp
The post office didn’t want something crass and commercial on a stamp-like- Elvis.
4. Federal Reserve
Raising interest rates again. If we wanted the economy to go nowhere, we could have voted for Bush.
5. Genetically Altered Tomatoes
The FDA says they’re perfectly safe. And people with 12 fingers love ’em.
6. ‘Models Inc.’
Imagine how many Fox shows there’d be about rocket scientists if they wore skimpy clothes.
7. Isabella Rossellini
She says Lancome’s dropping her because she’s 41. If this stuff can’t keep her looking young, what’s it going to do for us?
8. St. Louis
An alderman there wants a law to cane vandals. Only if we get to punish politicians that way, too.
9. Barney, the Movie
Get Me, the Gun.
Constantly Being Suckered. Fox steals the NFL and eight affiliates. Next we’ll hear Larry Tisch is missing his wallet.
11. D Day’s 50th Anniversary
The networks will flog this story to death for the next two weeks — which is one-tenth the coverage they gave Tonya Harding.
12. ‘Beverly Hills Cop III’
Eddie Murphy fights crime in a theme park. Hell, the whole country has become Repeat Offender Land.
13. Cosmic Collisions
Scientists predict a huge explosion when a comet strikes Jupiter in a few weeks. I blame Hillary.
14. James McDaniel
The NYPD Blue star was offended by Regis and Kathie Lee. Those two can be sooo opinionated.
15. Marge Schott
She called ballplayers who wear earrings “fruits.” Is it a gift or does she work at it?